I know I wont be able to hold my tears back today when we will be attending your funeral. I'm already trying to hold them back at the moment. Some people, knowing you're gone, are not able to sleep or eat. But I know that you are in such a better place and that you will be watching over us. I remember...
- When my brother and I used to run around in the house fighting and arguing, you would be downstairs watching TV with my mom, telling us to calm down.
- How much you loved to watch American gameshow even though you didn't understand it.
- How you would come to our house every Thursday (my brother and I would ask our Mom if we could stay up til 9:30)
- How you loved to ride in the car with us when we went to the beach.
- How you loved Starburst, would have a whole bag of them, and have some in your purse.
- Not to long ago, you would sleep at our house and I would sleep on the couch next to you, helping you with what you needed.
- You eating waffles in the morning.
- You would sneak and give me money without my parents knowing.
- and so much more
Please watch over us~
You will always be in our heart. Rest in paradise <3
A grandmother, a mom, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, a friend.
(APRIL 12)
As soon as we arrived into the building, there was a big screen in the hall with a slideshow of you. I wanted to look at it, but I couldn't bare to lift my head up at it. So my aunts and uncles told me and my cousins to go take a seat inside all the way in the front. As soon as I saw the coffin, I was already tearing up. There was another slideshow there. This time I looked up and when I saw the picture of us last year, I couldnt hold my tears back. We sat for about an hour or two listening to prayers and cousins and aunt giving eulogy, biography, and memories. I cried and cried, but it wasn't over. As the family rose and walked up to the coffin, I didnt want to look but at the same time I did. I squeezed in a little and as soon as I saw you peacefully sleeping, I backed away and cried. "Please step aside. Family will be last," the guy said. As we stepped aside for the guests to pay their respect for you and give us their condolence, I tried to fight back the tears. When it was our turn, we stepped up. The man asked a few people to place their hand on top of the coffin and close it, we cried and cried, harder and harder. They couldn't bear it, though this is not goodbye. As our cousins and uncle lifted your coffin out into the car, and drove up to the grave site, I tried not to think about it too much. I tried not to think of it as "losing" you, for you are just resting and are still here with us.
When we reached the grave site, the view from there was breath taking. It was on top of a green hill, a view of the whole city. You'll like it.
Before all of that, no one was able to eat or sleep. For some strange reason, I was able to. But after, knowing you are peacefully resting, they were able to finally eat and sleep but not me. Memories started coming back and it's just hard for me to bear it. It's like a nightmare. It doesnt feel real... at all.
I should just accept it. You're not gone, you're just sleeping. You're still here, just not physically, right? And little did I know that the day before the funeral was your birthday.
happy birthday
& rest in paradise.
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(continuing 4.11)
So this morning I woke up and started on chapter 39 exam online. To be honest, I didn't even finish reading. I hate this Spring Break. I literally spent the whole break doing history homework and english homework. I still need to start on my extra credit. You know what else? APUS online exam on a Friday and a Saturday. Next Saturday I'll have my SAT practice at SAT class. The Saturday after that, I have an APUSH AP exam practice at school (two days before my birthday). The Saturday after that, I have SAT testing. Could this year be any worse? I just hope something good will come next year; 2010.
But what cheered me up, got me to smile, were my readers comment. They never fail to make me smile & they're the reason I continue to write.
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