Last Day

It is the last day of school but it doesn't feel like it. Today was the award ceremony, the one that was postponed due to the incident that happened at school last week. To think I should have been happy I got an award. I'm happy and proud of my fellow students and friends earning their medals, scholarships, and whatnot. But I felt bad and was worried. Worried that my brother, dad, and mom wouldn't think the medal I got was enough. Seeing the same person go up over and over. I was worried my family would ask, "How come you didn't get that? Didn't you apply for that too?" These two years, ever since I started taking AP classes, that's when I pulled myself together to try hard. But it wasn't hard enough. I wish I had an older silbing who pushed me, who scared me about college, college apps and everything. It wasn't until I filled out my college application when I was scared. I noticed even though I did community service, it wasn't enough. Even though I was on the principle's honor roll, it wasn't enough. Even though I took AP classes, it wasn't enough. Even though I tried to stay up late to study, it wasn't enough. NOTHING WAS ENOUGH. I knew my brother was insensitive. I knew he was going to be his arrogant self and make comments. I knew he was going to say, "Thats all? Just one medal for 3.5? That's so easy." But for someone who's only a freshman, who spends all his time on the computer and hasn't taken any AP classes or done community service, what does he know? I wanted to be that older sibling that helps him so he won't feel as little as I did around my friends and classmates. But I don't know how I could if he's so... I dont even know the word to describe him.

Graduation is on the 24th and I don't know if I'm ready. I just hope I am.

Sweats and blood, nothing is good enough.

Collapsing and gasping, you can't be tough.

Striving ahead, they're pulling you down.

You're getting nowhere, just going round and round.

Screams telling you to go back home.

Shouts reminding you you're alone.

Pull yourself together, it's your life.

Their words can't hurt you, so continue to fight.