hot motorcycles

So today in the car on our way to... where was it? Oh yes, to Rose Hills, motorcycle gang rode passed us. Now dont picture anything scary because it wasn't. It was so cool. First about five passed us and I thought that was it. I looked in the back and motorcycles were scattered all over the place. There was about twenty of them. They dashed passed us but slowed down. I even took a picture. Then all around us (front, back, sides) were motorycle I was like :D HOW COOL and all the cars moved out of the left lane so the motorcycle people can stick together. So one of the motorcycle sped up and drove in front of cars and my aunt was saying how that person was probably trying to be a show off but then thought he might be the leader and he was. While his "people" was in the first lane, he was in the second waving his hand for them to go ahead of him and then he followed at the end. So hot, haha. Oh not to mentoin, there was this blue motorcycle and a yellow one and all I could picture under that helmet was some hottie because I liked the color/style of the bike too. I just kept staring going *__* HOW COOL. I even literally said "how cool" out loud.

Anyway.

Just a rant.

Is it wrong to cry right now? How about this week? How about a few times a month? How about a few every single month, literally? It's not wrong? Okay... because that's whats been happening. And today is a first for this week. One thing I really hate is parents interupting what you're saying. They say stuff like, "You cant interrupt us because we're your parents." Well, we're all humans! And its like they dont LET me get mad at them. I have the rights to feel angry or upset or annoyed!

I'll copy and paste what I told Sumin:

x vampire knight: supposedly its the way i act but it smy mom's fault cuz she never lets me finish talking, so yesteray i told them some teachers are going on strike so the class is gonna be short on subs and some students are going but i told them im gonna go anyway then today during dinner my mom tells me LAUSD called and say that they will have enough teachers and i told her "yea but my teacher said that--" and she goes "Well, they just called and--" and omfg i was gonna agree and say how yes, the students should be in school cuz then if they arent, it means they support the pink slip thing but the way she buts in while im talking pissed me off so i just said "nevermind." and i was going crazy so i just scratched my head then decided i wanted to go eat downstairs instead of upstairs with them so I just went downstairs and my dad was like "I HATE THE WAY YOU ACT! Who do you think you are?! Giving us attitude." and in my head im like WTF?! "Why do you care with what your friend said? HUH?! Its always your friends." (cuz waverly was saying how she doesnt wanna go) And I told him "I was trying to explain to you what the teacher said. I was agreeing with you." and hes like "then why did you just cut off half way and leahve?" and im like "BC i dont know how to explain it SPECIFICALLY how you guys will understand."

Its true. When I explain things to them, they dont GET it and I have to explain stuff over and over. But this time I'm trying to explain SPECIFICALLY baby words to them. But how can I when they keep interrupting every freaking thing I'm about to say? It's bad enough I have short temper too! I dont care who it's toward. Whether it ssomeome older or younger. I have the right to have feelings! Though I wont express it (so I wont be disrespectful) its like theyre telling me, "YOU CAN NEVER GET ANGRY AT US." its like... OMFG IM FKING HUMAN TOO!

Man, these are thing sthat make me want to run out of my house. Instead, I lock myself in my room and cry to the point where I can barely breathe and my chest starts to hurt. At school or in front of people, I don't rant and I can't cry. I hold it in until I go to sleep. I dont even let my family see me like this. "I never see you cry," says a friend. Oh man, if only she knows how I cry every day inside. I just smile and reply with a nod.

Tomorrow there's AP english (which I will surely fail because we havent really done so well with reviewing) and I'm going to sleep early just because I dont want to stay up and see/hear anyone.

Happy Mother's Day

:) Happy Mother's Day!

So yesterday was the Hollywood Bowl concert. Guess what?! XD I didn't go. Jiaying said Eva and Kevin were selling tickets for ten bucks but I still decided not to go. SS501 was there and I thought they sung only one song. Turns out (from soompier's fancam and pictures and comments) they sung about three to four and they were all my favorite songs.

Well, I had something important to do so eh. Since the artist/groups are leaving today, they might drop by some shopping malls? Hahaha. I'll just hope I can see SS501 one day on my own in real life without crazy fan girls pushing me away. Anyway, I went to uncle's house for a family matter. I sat down, took pictures from my dad's camera and my DSi (they're uploaded on my facebook). My cousin Danette brought her two year old baby Angelina, and she's so adorable. Well, only two days old not a big difference from any other babies, but newborn babies are beautiful :)

While we were at Uncle's house, I was looking for some drawing paper so I walked up to his office. On the couch were Grandma's pillow, carebear blanket, and the mini towels she always had with her. They were folded and the pillow was sitting on the seat, the blanket covering the head of the couch and the towels were set on the arm rest. I started getting teary. When all the family came, we wer edownstairs deciding who will get what for... something. So after I got my share, I went back upstairs to the office by myself and thanked my grandmother there while everyone thanked her downstairs.

After that, we all went to eat at a restaurant. I was almost tearing up because whenever we came here, she would come with us. Then I remembered what my cousin said in his speech that one day. That our grandmother was always the reason we were together. If she's at our uncle's house for an occasion, we would always be there. When it was a birthday and she's there, we would be together. And again, the day of the funeral, we were all together. And yesterday, the day we gathered for a family matter (her), we were all together.

Oh yeah, so Friday I took the APUS exam. I was surprise it was easier than the SAT subject one. It wasnt as hard as I expected though I missed a lot. The night before I sat on my bed and crossed my finger and hoped I would get at least a three. Our teacher is so nice. The day before the exam we decided to stay after school and study. he offered to buy us pizza and chips for us and the day of the exam to provide us with pens,pencils, erasers, chips, bagels, sandwiches, and sodas. THANK YOU SO MUCH! "Its the least I can do since you guys worked so hard." :) If only our other teachers can see that. This wednesday is the English one. *sigh* I'm sure to get less than a three since I usually fall asleep in the class. Actually, half of the class falls asleep x_x

I want sleep

Wow, so last night i went to sleep "early" which was around 10ish? When my mom woke me up in the morning, it was the same time she usually wakes me up for school so I thought, "What day is today? There's school?!" I forgot it was Saturday and I had SATs. So I went to take the subject test for one hour and then left. Then I came home and recorded and watched Friends and then Waverly calls me and tells me she's outside my house. I was like, "What? What for? YOu didnt call me first?" And supposedly Alan was already telling me he's coming. So I got into the car and we went to the park where they had my belated birthday party. We sat and sat for a long time waiting for others. Dinh, Andy, and Dinh's little brother came here and then Alan left to pick Joey up. I went to the playground with Dinh and her brother and we sat on the swings. I couldnt swing because each time I would bring my legs down, it would hit the ground. Either the swing is too low or my legs are too long. So we went back to the table and there were no cups or plates. We used the aluminum foil as "plate" and everyone (but me) did waterfall from the soda. Then Ivan came and it became fun. IT was really entertaining watching Dinh and Ivan attack each other. Anyway, a lot happened but right now, I'm really tired so I'm leaving a lot of stuff out. But thank you to Waverly and Alan and everyone else who planned it. And thanks for the gifts; the monkey and the card were really cute (thanks for the birthday wishes). I loved the card <333>_< And sorry for hiding your keys.... I actually hid it in Joey's badminton case ever since tag and I was wondering when you were going to notice. When Joey was going to leave I ran after her but Waverly took it out. I was going to give it to you but they said wait a little longer. SORRRY

I really wanted to play DDR because I havent worked out in a while. I thought we were going to go but it was a bit too late. But luckily today I got to go. I was at the mall playing DDR for a while until it froze on me. @_@ this is why LT is better. LT is 50 cents and the mall is 75 cents. And since I play double, it's double the price, so you do the math.

*groans* I want to go sleep. But tomorrow I have another practice APUS multiple choice test and I have physics hw to do. After testing... I AM FREE! Summer, no summer school! I'm going to work out! And hopefully meet up with Lizzie and Gracie and we go take cue pictures. I want to have a collection of cue pictures and make scrapbooks out of them, keke. Since Grace unni is older, she'll probably drive first but then again, I think Lizzie would.

*in the picture, the top right is a formation of two people-- Dinh & Andy

Blah

Man, I need a work out, seriously! Cookies were calling my name and ignoring them is heartbreaking. I was planning to go to LT today to workout but I wouldn't have a ride back. I was planning to go on Saturday but change of plans. *sigh* so much testing going on. Last week was practice for AP US History, tomorrow is SAT for US History, the week after is real exam for AP US and then AP English. I just noticed that I'm slacking off more than ever. I need to stay in CSF, I need to have at least a 3.5, so I need someone to push me. I want to be in depressed mode where I dont eat much and do nothing but homework. So I decided until I get enough money to get my own camera, I'm going to use my dad's for now. I was looking through stock pictures, ulzzang pictures, and especially the photoshoot from WGM (so jealous), I wanted to do my own photoshoot. Obviously since I cant do them myself, I need models. So I asked some friends if they wanted to particpate and they're willing to.

I've been recording songs but they're horrible. The thing is, I'm using the mic from Rock Band so if you speak into it, you can hardly hear anything when playing the recording. So when friends listen to the song, they're like "you need to sound louder." The thing is, I'm already trying to sing the loudest I can, losing my breath, and still barely audible. I even blasted the speaker really high. Also, I sound better (doesnt everyone) with a little echo and my room is... not. Alan did a cover of BOF's OST and it was great so I asked if he can do one in english and we'll collab. David did the english version and I loved it. So if Alan agrees to do another cover, I'll ask David for permission.

Usually people get on my nerves like crazy. But have you noticed I haven't really complained about anyone as much as I use to? It's because I get so annoyed, disturbed, and angry to the point where I cant even tell anyone anymore. If I'd want to rant about "her," someone will stick up and say something like "well, she's just___. Cant blame her." I know that, this is why it's a rant. Sometimes I just need to let things out WITHOUT A REPLY. And sometimes, there are just things I dont get. I'm not going to write it here, though because it's kind of a really btchy question.


You'll probably never have a dream of me
And I know I'm in love all alone
That's why we don't really have memories
In the end, I'll make them all on my own

Love's like a river of tears
That will flow whenever you're not here
Even though your heart will never be mine
It's enough just seeing you smile
(c) david.

Thank you so much

My birthday wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I think... it may be better than the year before... and the year before that. This year has opened up my eyes that, you dont need a lot of people to celebrate it with to have a happy birthday. Just those in your heart who wanted you to be happy, your family.

April 26 was the day we "celebrated it." My mom had a banner set up that says happy birthday and she asked if i wanted to put a lot more decorations and I said it was ok because I was feeling moody thinking, "whats the point." After we went out to eat, we dropped by Baskin Robin. I chose my cake (icecream oreo cookie chocolate). After that we went to buy the balloons (I bought a huge one and a curious george one.) I was holding my dad's Canon camera everywhere taking pictures. Some of them I had to take a self pic and hold the camera with one hand, which is really heavy. We got home and were about to lit the candles on the cake but my brother had an incident as to where my dad had to help him and it took about 30 minutes. After that, another incident happened (my dad took like 10-15 minutes trying to find out how to set the timer on his camera since he forgot). Then we took pictures and I found myself laughing more than I thought I would. My brother's random joke and comment and my parents funny comments as well.

After that, I opened my gifts. My brother got me a DSi (he picked it out, my parents paid mostly). "You sure this is not for you?" I said to him. He was like "You dont want it? Okay, give it." Then I got a bag and BOF drama from my mom. And then a card that has a $urpise in it. Haha, the card read "Happy Birthday to our daughter the Princess," on the outside and inside, "of 'In-your-dream-land." Hahaha. My brother also got me the R4, turns out the made a new kind of R4 for the new Ds -__- Oh well, I had fun taking random pics on it and editting voice. I laughed so hard while editting the voices~

Today was great too. I dont have much homework (except for math and english) but that's cool, the weather was on my side today, and I got some love from people at school. Almost passing out from Mario's really tight hug (seriously, it was so tight i couldnt breathe). Gah warm hugs <3 First period we took a quiz. Second we took a test (and Hoang handed me a bag of muffin xD). (during nutrition, Jenny handed me a present and on the side it said "no... it is not food" becaus ethe box looks like those cream puff box :D haha; thanks jenny) Third we went through the practice AP US exam we took on Saturday. Fourth we took notes; thanks Bernadette for the journal. She asked the teacher to ask the class to sing me happy birthday. I told her not to because it's so awkward. Everyone will be singing and doing something and I'm just going to sit there just going "...." haha. During lunch I wasn't going to go to asian club because I wanted to get lunch but then I remembered I had some rice left in my backpack (that my mom packed for me).

So I sat in Asian club eating rice with sausage and some seaweed from Jiaying. When the meeting ended, I remembered I had to finish english homework so I tried to finish my lunch. I didnt get a chance to because my friends came up and surprise me with a gift (<3>_> (haha, usually ashley starts it so when Andy started it, I thought he was going to make a school anouncement). And maggie, I didnt think you'd be serious when you said you'll do the English homework! O_O

I got home, went on facebook and saw my wall spammed with Alan's comment. Same thing on myspace, hahaha. Thanks you guys for the birthday wishes.

-*-*-*-*

quoted from Waverly's blog--
"Thanks for being my friend Lily. I know we're really different. I'm obssessed with Malaysia and you're obssessed with dramas and stuff, but then I think of you as my best friend here. Its not easy finding friends. I don't really know what you think of me as, all I know is that sometimes I annoy you to death sometimes. LOL! But then most of the time I don't do it on purpose. Oh well, everyone need someone to annoy them. And I'm just the person to annoy you Lily, you can count on it. hahaha"

Muaha, that entry was nothing but me. I feel special, haha. I'm touched and was almost in tears. Thanks for your effort for planning the party ^^ haha. It's fine that it didn't work out. We can just hang out normally and have phan and me laugh at you again, haha. You know I'll be here if you need to rant or anything. If its about you wanting to go back to Malaysia >_> I dont really know what to say. I hope your parents will go back and visit and take you along. Breathe in the air of malaysia, come back, and cough on crappy american air. Hahah jk. You know what you should do? Take a bottle and bottle up the air in malaysia, hahahaha jk. But you know what I mean? Like what that one girl in Wongfu production's short did. It might sound crazy and stupid, but if you think about it, its not really.


Quoted from Ivy's blog--
"Why hello Sexy, I see you're turning seventeen today. If you're in Texas you'd be at the age of consent (meaning you can have sex now)." "I know the past year or so has been difficult for you. It's been pretty hard for me, too, but we'd make it through together, yeah? Even though we don't live near or each other or anything, the emotional support is what matters. It's stronger than physical support, which I'm pretty sure neither of us are physically fit enough to help each other out with whatever that we need help on. Haha." "I think you want to be here right now for your birthday because it's raining like crazy outside. There's a huge thunderstorm that started since early this mornin and it's still falling like crazy. Too bad you can't be here to enjoy it with me."

Hahaha the first part was so random. Thunderstorm, rain, gahhhh. Yes, I'd so love to be there. But I'm glad the weather was on my side today too, it was pretty cloudy for half the day. I love how you get me in a serious mode and all of a sudden make m elaugh by adding random stuff "It's stronger than physical support, which I'm pretty sure neither of us are physically fit enough to help each out with whatever that we need help on." XD hahaha.

" It's like God doesn't want to give me a rest. Is this the stage of life where things fall apart? I wonder how people can handle these problems. I guess I've done it before but never realized it. As of right now, I feel so emotionally weak I don't know if I can make it till the end of this year."



Waverly & Ivy, thanks for dedicating today's blog to me, muahaha. So yeah, we've all been through a lot and I feel touched to have us all share with one another. Sure we drive each other crazy but hey, can't help it. Yeah, we're going through tough time right now, but it's preparing us for the tougher times that will hit us in the future. We dont have to do this alone. We'll fight through it together and this goes to everyone. You might not realize it, but there's always a shoulder for you to cry on and an arm for you to run into :)

For You, Ivy

<3 thank you. Thanks for being here for me. Thank you for being the person I can go to, for lending me your shoulders, for making me laugh when I thought I couldn't smile, for being you.

"I understand how you feel about being blocked out. I don't know if your friends or my friends do it on purpose or not but it really hurts. It makes you feel so alone, even when you try to speak up, they don't listen.... I guess that's why I like to hang out with just one or two people. It's not because I want the attention the entire time, and I'm pretty sure you don't either, it's because I rarely even get the attention. I'll be talking to them about something and someone else would speak up, cutting off what I was saying, and the person that was listening to me talk forgot about everything I said and listened to the other person. I don't know if it's my problem with speaking or what I say is never interesting enough to keep their attention."

I knew you'd understand. I can finally listen to the song on your blog (because im on my dad's laptop) and it's really good.

- * -

Ok, so tomorrow the family REALLY decided not to celebrate. Most people are going to wedding, others have work, and eh. I will give up this year as it never happened. I thought the first month of 09 was horrible and I thought, "Eh, its only the beginning." But no, theres something every week that ruins the week/month. It's okay, right? There's still 2010. That is, if it's willing to be on my side.

Tomorrow I just want to go to the beach or something. Walk around and feel the calm and fresh breeze. If not, maybe find a few people and go to Little Tokyo karaoke.