Thank you so much

My birthday wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I think... it may be better than the year before... and the year before that. This year has opened up my eyes that, you dont need a lot of people to celebrate it with to have a happy birthday. Just those in your heart who wanted you to be happy, your family.

April 26 was the day we "celebrated it." My mom had a banner set up that says happy birthday and she asked if i wanted to put a lot more decorations and I said it was ok because I was feeling moody thinking, "whats the point." After we went out to eat, we dropped by Baskin Robin. I chose my cake (icecream oreo cookie chocolate). After that we went to buy the balloons (I bought a huge one and a curious george one.) I was holding my dad's Canon camera everywhere taking pictures. Some of them I had to take a self pic and hold the camera with one hand, which is really heavy. We got home and were about to lit the candles on the cake but my brother had an incident as to where my dad had to help him and it took about 30 minutes. After that, another incident happened (my dad took like 10-15 minutes trying to find out how to set the timer on his camera since he forgot). Then we took pictures and I found myself laughing more than I thought I would. My brother's random joke and comment and my parents funny comments as well.

After that, I opened my gifts. My brother got me a DSi (he picked it out, my parents paid mostly). "You sure this is not for you?" I said to him. He was like "You dont want it? Okay, give it." Then I got a bag and BOF drama from my mom. And then a card that has a $urpise in it. Haha, the card read "Happy Birthday to our daughter the Princess," on the outside and inside, "of 'In-your-dream-land." Hahaha. My brother also got me the R4, turns out the made a new kind of R4 for the new Ds -__- Oh well, I had fun taking random pics on it and editting voice. I laughed so hard while editting the voices~

Today was great too. I dont have much homework (except for math and english) but that's cool, the weather was on my side today, and I got some love from people at school. Almost passing out from Mario's really tight hug (seriously, it was so tight i couldnt breathe). Gah warm hugs <3 First period we took a quiz. Second we took a test (and Hoang handed me a bag of muffin xD). (during nutrition, Jenny handed me a present and on the side it said "no... it is not food" becaus ethe box looks like those cream puff box :D haha; thanks jenny) Third we went through the practice AP US exam we took on Saturday. Fourth we took notes; thanks Bernadette for the journal. She asked the teacher to ask the class to sing me happy birthday. I told her not to because it's so awkward. Everyone will be singing and doing something and I'm just going to sit there just going "...." haha. During lunch I wasn't going to go to asian club because I wanted to get lunch but then I remembered I had some rice left in my backpack (that my mom packed for me).

So I sat in Asian club eating rice with sausage and some seaweed from Jiaying. When the meeting ended, I remembered I had to finish english homework so I tried to finish my lunch. I didnt get a chance to because my friends came up and surprise me with a gift (<3>_> (haha, usually ashley starts it so when Andy started it, I thought he was going to make a school anouncement). And maggie, I didnt think you'd be serious when you said you'll do the English homework! O_O

I got home, went on facebook and saw my wall spammed with Alan's comment. Same thing on myspace, hahaha. Thanks you guys for the birthday wishes.

-*-*-*-*

quoted from Waverly's blog--
"Thanks for being my friend Lily. I know we're really different. I'm obssessed with Malaysia and you're obssessed with dramas and stuff, but then I think of you as my best friend here. Its not easy finding friends. I don't really know what you think of me as, all I know is that sometimes I annoy you to death sometimes. LOL! But then most of the time I don't do it on purpose. Oh well, everyone need someone to annoy them. And I'm just the person to annoy you Lily, you can count on it. hahaha"

Muaha, that entry was nothing but me. I feel special, haha. I'm touched and was almost in tears. Thanks for your effort for planning the party ^^ haha. It's fine that it didn't work out. We can just hang out normally and have phan and me laugh at you again, haha. You know I'll be here if you need to rant or anything. If its about you wanting to go back to Malaysia >_> I dont really know what to say. I hope your parents will go back and visit and take you along. Breathe in the air of malaysia, come back, and cough on crappy american air. Hahah jk. You know what you should do? Take a bottle and bottle up the air in malaysia, hahahaha jk. But you know what I mean? Like what that one girl in Wongfu production's short did. It might sound crazy and stupid, but if you think about it, its not really.


Quoted from Ivy's blog--
"Why hello Sexy, I see you're turning seventeen today. If you're in Texas you'd be at the age of consent (meaning you can have sex now)." "I know the past year or so has been difficult for you. It's been pretty hard for me, too, but we'd make it through together, yeah? Even though we don't live near or each other or anything, the emotional support is what matters. It's stronger than physical support, which I'm pretty sure neither of us are physically fit enough to help each other out with whatever that we need help on. Haha." "I think you want to be here right now for your birthday because it's raining like crazy outside. There's a huge thunderstorm that started since early this mornin and it's still falling like crazy. Too bad you can't be here to enjoy it with me."

Hahaha the first part was so random. Thunderstorm, rain, gahhhh. Yes, I'd so love to be there. But I'm glad the weather was on my side today too, it was pretty cloudy for half the day. I love how you get me in a serious mode and all of a sudden make m elaugh by adding random stuff "It's stronger than physical support, which I'm pretty sure neither of us are physically fit enough to help each out with whatever that we need help on." XD hahaha.

" It's like God doesn't want to give me a rest. Is this the stage of life where things fall apart? I wonder how people can handle these problems. I guess I've done it before but never realized it. As of right now, I feel so emotionally weak I don't know if I can make it till the end of this year."



Waverly & Ivy, thanks for dedicating today's blog to me, muahaha. So yeah, we've all been through a lot and I feel touched to have us all share with one another. Sure we drive each other crazy but hey, can't help it. Yeah, we're going through tough time right now, but it's preparing us for the tougher times that will hit us in the future. We dont have to do this alone. We'll fight through it together and this goes to everyone. You might not realize it, but there's always a shoulder for you to cry on and an arm for you to run into :)

For You, Ivy

<3 thank you. Thanks for being here for me. Thank you for being the person I can go to, for lending me your shoulders, for making me laugh when I thought I couldn't smile, for being you.

"I understand how you feel about being blocked out. I don't know if your friends or my friends do it on purpose or not but it really hurts. It makes you feel so alone, even when you try to speak up, they don't listen.... I guess that's why I like to hang out with just one or two people. It's not because I want the attention the entire time, and I'm pretty sure you don't either, it's because I rarely even get the attention. I'll be talking to them about something and someone else would speak up, cutting off what I was saying, and the person that was listening to me talk forgot about everything I said and listened to the other person. I don't know if it's my problem with speaking or what I say is never interesting enough to keep their attention."

I knew you'd understand. I can finally listen to the song on your blog (because im on my dad's laptop) and it's really good.

- * -

Ok, so tomorrow the family REALLY decided not to celebrate. Most people are going to wedding, others have work, and eh. I will give up this year as it never happened. I thought the first month of 09 was horrible and I thought, "Eh, its only the beginning." But no, theres something every week that ruins the week/month. It's okay, right? There's still 2010. That is, if it's willing to be on my side.

Tomorrow I just want to go to the beach or something. Walk around and feel the calm and fresh breeze. If not, maybe find a few people and go to Little Tokyo karaoke.

Self rant.

Did you really not notice the mask I was wearing? Did you really fall for the smile? Did you really think my life was "oh-so-happy" and "lucky" as you thought it was? Did you just assume I'm never hurt? Dont ever assume. Because you'll make an ASS out of U and ME.

This is just a (long) self rant. I just had to get it out. Not really a blog about a day so it probably wont interest you. Just wait for the next blog.

I guess when you're born spoiled, you wont find happiness. You're too used to everything that has happened and when theres a "change of plans," that doesn't go the way you had planned it... it just ruins it. I might be a baby for crying over this, but like everything else that hsa never been right, I'll get over it.

Every year we (the family; aunts, uncles, cousin, parents, grandparents, etc.) we would either celebrate birthdays at restaurants or home. But since we have a big family, that mean we'll have to spend a lot. I guess it's like a "tradition" to celebrate with the family for me. Each year there would be more people in the family whether its a cousin in law or a new nephew/niece. So last year my parents decided we should do the birthday at a buffet since there will be too many cars taking up the parking lot i nfront of the house. My uncle was also celebrating his birthday the same day as I did (even though it wasnt his birthday; asians tend to celebrate it earlier if theres a change of plans). So this year I was thinking we could go out again since I just have another cousin-in-law and a niece and wont put my parents throug hthe trouble of picking up/making food.

But my mom comes and ask if we should just stay home and do it with parents and brother. I was thinking and she said, "Everyone else stopped celebrating it with the family and plus, it'll be $800 dollars at the buffet." Inside, I really didnt want to. But I tried to think of a way that we can invite the family out to eat without having to spend so much. Then she brought up, "Your cousins stopped doing it. Look at your aunt, she saves money; when one of the relative celebrate, she just brings her daughter and celebrate with them. She saves way over $800." I dont know why, but tears just started to form in my eyes. She just kept bringing that up. I wasnt facing her because she was talking from upstairs and I was downstairs watching TV. "It's up to you, really. Do you want to just buy a cake and eat with us or do you want to go to the buffet and spend $800+ dollars?" So obvious, parents using that "DO YOU WANT THIS OR THIS WHERE YOU______," talk. I couldnt answer her because tears already rolled down my cheeks and if I said something, she would know I was crying. So when there was a commercial for the show I was watching, I just came into my room.

Maybe when you have everythng you've wanted when you're a kid, nothing is "perfect" when you grow up. "You should be lucky, you have things other people don't have," someone said to me. And I quote Zeus, "Every gift brings a penalty." Which is true. My gift was happiness, best friends, laughter, good grades, family proud of me, but all that has turned around. 2008 and 2009 decided it was time to take it away and give it to someone else. I don't mind if someone whose waited for that gift finally recieved it, but why did I have to lose it all at once? Happiness was replaced with misery, best friends replaced with school work, laughter replaced with tears and anger, good grades replaced with "average" grades, family being proud of me replaced with family waiting for me to make something good happen.

It feels like the old me was able to be around people and talk to them. But now, I dont know what I did, but it seems like everyone turns away and I'm being pulled into a small bubble, suffocating. Anything I say and anything I do is not noticeable. I scream and call out for them but their backs are turned. They're standing around laughing and talking, enjoying their gift of happiness, friends, laughter, and everything else. They assume I'm probably somewhere else with other people having a good time as well. But why dont they turn around? Why dont they turn around and see the bubble I'm trapped in?

I'm not a strong as you think I am. Are you so easily fooled by this smile? Are you taking my "jokes" and "random comments" so seriously, thinking I would never hurt? Do I do a good job of hiding my heart?

They come to me and rant, asking for help. When I give them my opinion and thoughts, they tell me (you know who you are, since i'm quoting you guys), "Ohmygod! That's so true! Thats exactly how I feel." or "I can finally have someone to talk to about this. Everyone else dont get it." Well you know why I get it? Because I've faced this numerous of time. I've fallen hard, gotten back up, and fallen again. I've tried walking through that fire and yes, I did get burned. But if I give up now, I don't know what's going to be in store for me in the future. I'm here to help everyone else, but I can't seem to help myself.

I've had friends who were my "best friends." She didnt really know anyone else and neither did I. We became friends and another "lonely" girl became our friend. Another one came and we were all best friends. But some how, we split. Not because we got into an argument, but just because it faded away. When did this happen? When one of us became best friends with someone else? When we started becoming very different? Who knows. We hardly talk anymore and some people might find it hard to picture us as "best friends."

I think I am invisible or people just dont like me. I'm sorry if I annoy anyone, get on your nerves, or just drive you crazy. I dont know what it is and itd be nice if you told me. I wont take it to heart, so dont worry. It's not only to friends, but also "new" people I meet. Its like I'm back into the suffocating bubble again. Here's a time I recall when I felt exactly like that. I was at the mall with a friend. We were in the arcade and there were two guys who were watching us finishing our game of DDR. We talked--well, they talked. They asked how long we've been playing and what school (turns out they knew our friends). They asked my friend questions and made jokes. She replied and also made a joke and they laughed. I was feeling so left out when they asked something like, "What school do yo uguys go to?" I decided to make a joke and say, "Psh, stalking us now?"-- I was hoping they'd be like "haha, no, just wondering." But their expression was, "O_o" The next time we saw one of them at the mall, I said hi and the guy just went "oh hi." And when he saw my friend, they were like, "Hey, whats up?!" they started talking and decided to go to the food court. I just stood there, "..."

Someone told me I should just speak up. Repeat it in case no one hears. But sometimes its on purpose. There has been a situation when I would be talking to someone face to face that they would suddenly turn away from me and start a convo with another person. It's like "wth... did your ears suddenly block out my voice?" I would be in class and I would say to a friend, "Hey guess what?" And she/he would be like, "*looks up* what?" And when I start talking, the perso nsitting right next to him/her would start another convo and he/she would turn their head and listen to them. They're right in front of me! Did their ears really block out my voice?

*sigh* self rant end. If anyone actually read all of this, I'd be surprised.



HAPPY BiRTHDAY MAGGiE QUAN.

Leelee phails in heat.

I want something cold. Ice cold water would be great. Or... pina colada O_O<3>_<. "Just pretend you're in Cambodia," my dad said. "Yeah, you didn't seem to complain when we were there," my mom said. I agree, but maybe that's because I was on a trip and I didn't mind. Good thing it went down to 70~!

I'm so proud of myself (can't get my hopes up). I aced my Spanish quiz (51/52) and didnt do so bad on the physics quiz (7/10). We'll see what I get on my history test. So I have been doing my "numbers" homework on my own lately and I'm starting to understand little by little. NUMBERS!

Since Practice APUSH exam is this saturday, I have been trying to cram everything from chapter 1-40. Barely on chapter two. My history teacher has a box of flashcards (about 500 of them) and I'm planning to borrow them (after other students) so I can write them down in my notebook. Obviously I wont be able to copy all 500 in a day so I'm usually in his class during lunch. I was also proud when I got the questions right in my princeton review book. But again, I shouldn't get my hopes up. The DBQ and essay... I won't do so well on. The multiple choice is mostly common sense. If I cover the choices, I wont be able to find out the answer. But, if the choices are available, something might come back to me. However, for the essays, it's just going to be a question and everything has to come from your knowledge. LEELEE PHAILS.

Wow, I was randomly looking at karaoke gallery. Rosen is so big and nice (maybe because we had the VIP room), but the screens and room in the regular room are nice too. The one in LT seem so old and the TV screen is small. Sumin, Coco, and others I know go to Rosen. I'd like to pay a second visit there, but I doubt my dad will let.

:D So I was debating whether to get a NikonD40 or some other kind. I've seen ulzzang's pictures, Coco's pictures, and Jade's picture. I love all their pictures so I was wondering what camera they use and they all use a NikonD40. I have $100 saved. $100 down, $600 more to go! Hahah. If only I was able to save my chinese new year, christmas, and birthday money. But I'm broke now. I need a job.

Oh and Waverly, I think I'm going to dedicate this Friday to cramming APUS since the next day I have the exam. So maybe Saturday (instead of Sunday). Turns out the date (my family planned) had changed. So Saturday is open. What are we going to do anyway?

Ok, I have got to stop. I need to get back to work. I was on a roll and I can't get distracted. ^_^ proud~ for now. Jiayou~fighting~rawr!

Hot day

I will blog about my day before doing hoemwork. Yes, I will really do homework... hopefully, haha. Okay, so in the morning-ish, my mom, dad, and I went to eat dimsum. I didnt feel well because last night I was itchy, it was hot, and it took me about an hour and a half to fall asleep. After my laptop turned off on me, I wasn't so distracted so I decided to read for history. All of a sudden I hear a helicopter, police cars, and a police using the mic talking to someone. So I was scared, walked over to the lamp, turned off the light, and just went to sleep.

So anyway, after eating, my mom and I walked around Chinatown to buy new clothes for my birthday. I like the styles but I dont like how the materials are and how they're not stretched out. I think I pissed my mom off because I would say "no" to the ones I saw. CHinatown needs better fobby clothes, haha. So I walked into a dvd/music store. I was looking for Smiling Pasta. Instead, I saw Boys Over Flower (korean version). I was like "Wow, it's already out?!" So I held that in my hand while looking for Smiling Pasta. I found it and was so happy but then I saw there was no subtitle so I was like ;_; no.... Man, all the taiwanese dramas I want (like Hana Kimi, Smiling Pasta, and ISWAK2) don't have subtitles. So I put both BOF and Smiling Pasta back on the shelf.

"You're not getting that?" My mom asked. I looked at BOF and shrugged, "I'll get it some other time." So we continued walking and then waited for my dad. I didn't buy any clothes so we decided to go to the mall on Tuesday after school since I get out early. But my dad asked if we wanted to go today and sure. So we went for about two hours. I managed to get some clothes. Got back home and here I am. And man was it hot oustside....

Btw, my dad said if I wanted to celebrate my birthday or anything with my friends, I could do it on Friday or Sunday (from afternoon til 4). The thing is, Friday is also a friend's birthday and I don't know if we're going to do anything for her.

*sigh* I really hope a cool weather will come soon. My exams are coming up and if I have to study and do the exam when there's a hot weather... I wont be happy -_-; haha.

I saw the CF with GaEul and YiJung (sorry, forgot GaEul's real name) with the phone that has an SOS string on it. When you pull it, the other person knows you're in trouble or if you need them. Kinda cool.

Tired

Hahaha, so I found out --well, was told-- that Waverly and ALan and you guys were going to plan a surprise for my birthday but you guys don't know my schedule. XD Haha, I found that funny. Thanks though, you guys.

So the TV is on and i'm on facebook in my dad's room. And on the TV, there was a commercial for Burger King Spongebob Kids Meal. "I Like Square Butts and I cannot lie--" with girls shaking their square booty in the back. That is so not appropriate. There is currently a Nascar racing on TV and my brother was like, "Such a waste of gas." That's so true.

*Sigh* It's almost 7 and I still didnt get to read ten pages. Monday I have a test for chapter 40 (20 pages) so I was planning Saturday to read 10 pages and Sunday to read 10 pages. Today is so boring; everyone is out and I'm stuck at home. For two weeks I wont be able to go out cuz I wont have a ride; my dad wil be sleepign cuz he has to work overnight. Gah... next Saturday morning I have to go to school to take a practice APUS exam then at three have to go to my uncle's house. Sunday, who knows, maybe celebrate my birthday with my family in the evening or something. Monday is my birthday and I will be enjoying it by doing homework and cramming for SAT which is the Saturday after and then APUSH exam the week after that. Oh man...

It Started With a Kiss is playing on TV. I dont know why, but it feels weird and different watching it on TV, haha. I'm used to watching dramas from DVD/online. Anyway, not much to write. Oh yeah...

So I woke up around 11-ish and skipped SAT class (I have a reason). Family went out to eat but I stayed home. WHen they got home they gave me left over fried rice (it was still good). Then I took a nap from 2-ish til 4. Man... what a boring Saturday. I need to get out and meet people, haha.

(will add post pic later)

Dramas

This is what I wrote on soompi in the S.P thread so I'm just going to copy and paste it here (if you don't want to read about my spazz, just scroll down and read my "blog"):

I was randomly flipping through the TV going, "Hmm, what's on the Asian channels today?" I dont watch TV much. I saw the scene of HeQu and XiaoShi walking and he's trying to hold her hand and I thought it was so cute so I decided to youtube up the drama (since I dont really understand what they're saying; I can make some out, though). Usually when I have school, I don't want to watch dramas because they'll keep me from doing my homework. So I just decided to click a random episode which was 6... I think. And my eyes were just glued to the screen. It was trouble becuse I knew I couldn't stop. So I watched from episode 6-10 and then the next day, I watched like... 13-ending and man I couldnt stop smiling. It's really a cute drama. I dont get why some people say its like Full House. Just because there is a "celebrity" and a "normal" girl who has to fake in front of a media doesn't mean they're THAT similar. Honestly, I think Smiling Pasta is way better than Full House. Those who think the characters are not attractive (I LOVE NICHOLAS!!<33), style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">TURTLE GIRL"
<3>So I don't want to go to SAT testing anymore. This week is going to be the last week of class and we're going to take an SAT practice test which is like 3-4 hours. I'm really stressed and tired and I dont want to go anymore.

Hm, so you know what kind of ticks me off? No offense to Korean people, but I feel so ashamed when I see fellow Chinese acting as if Koreans are gods and goddesses. Instead of giving taiwanse drama a chance, they automatically choose Korean drama, music, etc. without giving it a chance. And a friend of mine only chooses Korean dramas because of the "hot guys." How shallow is that? I admit, we're all shallow but hey, give something else a chance.

There's a manga called "Boys Over Flower" and it was really popular. So there came a Taiwanese drama called "Meteor Garden" whch follows the story of Boys Over Flower. Then came the Japanese version, "Hana Yori Dango." And this year, there was Korean version "Boys Over Flower." Now, they're currently filming mainland China version, "Meteor Shower" and Filipino version, which I have no idea is the name.

I loved the Japanese version because the storyline was great. The actors weren't that "hot" but I came to love them because of their character. However, in the Korean version, sure the guys were good looking but I didn't enjoy it so much because the acting wasn't as good. In the Taiwan version, I didn't enjoy it THAT much because it dragged on too long and the main girl was really dramatic.

Just give things a chance.

And btw, you know what I find funny? I know the quizes on Facebook isn't really accurate but when I saw my friend take "How Well Do You Know Men?" quiz, she had a 50% and she has a bf. So I decided to take the quiz and I had 100% and scared myself. Even a guy friend took it and he had 50%. What does this mean? That I'm really a man? I hope not >_<; hahaha. That means nothing!

Anyway, DANG it's already 8?! My laptop is crazy. Everytime it shuts off, the time changes so it's an hour behind. I thought it was only 5 so I decided to stay online until it's 6. When I saw my laptop clock say "6:40" I decided to go downstairs and eat. Then I saw the clock in the house, which read "7:40" and I thought, "Not again! Crazy laptop!" *sigh*

I need to work harder.

Pictures

Gah, I'm so jealous of Coco (online friend). I love her pictures. They're the kind I love to take (ulzzang style). None of my friends in real life know what the style is and none of them have really taken those kind. Coco is probably the only person I know (who is not an ulzzang-celeb) who can take those kind of pictures. I should bring a tripod with me wherever I go and take my own pictures instead of having someone else take it for me. Hahaha (unless Jade is here!). I just need a real Nikon slr camera. Not a hugeee one though. Light enough for me to hold. My dad's Canon camera is so heavy (the big SLRs) so my arm goes sore when I'm trying to take self pic, haha. And btw, I need a new memory card for my camera. I already have two (since eighth grade) and I've run out of room. "DELETE THE PICTURES!" No thanks. I need to get them printed first. But even after I get it printed, I probably still want the pictures in there.

Oh great, my birthday is coming up. Honestly, I just want to stay home and sleep. Since it's a Monday, I'll have homework. Two days before my birthday I have a practice APUSH AP Exam and five days after my birthday I have SAT testing. So I guess I can only ask for NO HOMEWORK and let me stay home, study, and sleep.

We will be thinking of you

I know I wont be able to hold my tears back today when we will be attending your funeral. I'm already trying to hold them back at the moment. Some people, knowing you're gone, are not able to sleep or eat. But I know that you are in such a better place and that you will be watching over us. I remember...

• When my brother and I used to run around in the house fighting and arguing, you would be downstairs watching TV with my mom, telling us to calm down.
• How much you loved to watch American gameshow even though you didn't understand it.
• How you would come to our house every Thursday (my brother and I would ask our Mom if we could stay up til 9:30)
• How you loved to ride in the car with us when we went to the beach.
• How you loved Starburst, would have a whole bag of them, and have some in your purse.
• Not to long ago, you would sleep at our house and I would sleep on the couch next to you, helping you with what you needed.
• You eating waffles in the morning.
• You would sneak and give me money without my parents knowing.
• and so much more

I cant continue writing because I'm crying and I can barely read the screen.

Please watch over us~
You will always be in our heart. Rest in paradise <3
A grandmother, a mom, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, a friend.

(APRIL 12)

As soon as we arrived into the building, there was a big screen in the hall with a slideshow of you. I wanted to look at it, but I couldn't bare to lift my head up at it. So my aunts and uncles told me and my cousins to go take a seat inside all the way in the front. As soon as I saw the coffin, I was already tearing up. There was another slideshow there. This time I looked up and when I saw the picture of us last year, I couldnt hold my tears back. We sat for about an hour or two listening to prayers and cousins and aunt giving eulogy, biography, and memories. I cried and cried, but it wasn't over. As the family rose and walked up to the coffin, I didnt want to look but at the same time I did. I squeezed in a little and as soon as I saw you peacefully sleeping, I backed away and cried. "Please step aside. Family will be last," the guy said. As we stepped aside for the guests to pay their respect for you and give us their condolence, I tried to fight back the tears. When it was our turn, we stepped up. The man asked a few people to place their hand on top of the coffin and close it, we cried and cried, harder and harder. They couldn't bear it, though this is not goodbye. As our cousins and uncle lifted your coffin out into the car, and drove up to the grave site, I tried not to think about it too much. I tried not to think of it as "losing" you, for you are just resting and are still here with us.

When we reached the grave site, the view from there was breath taking. It was on top of a green hill, a view of the whole city. You'll like it.

Before all of that, no one was able to eat or sleep. For some strange reason, I was able to. But after, knowing you are peacefully resting, they were able to finally eat and sleep but not me. Memories started coming back and it's just hard for me to bear it. It's like a nightmare. It doesnt feel real... at all.

I should just accept it. You're not gone, you're just sleeping. You're still here, just not physically, right? And little did I know that the day before the funeral was your birthday.

happy birthday
& rest in paradise.


-------------------------------------------------------------
(continuing 4.11)
So this morning I woke up and started on chapter 39 exam online. To be honest, I didn't even finish reading. I hate this Spring Break. I literally spent the whole break doing history homework and english homework. I still need to start on my extra credit. You know what else? APUS online exam on a Friday and a Saturday. Next Saturday I'll have my SAT practice at SAT class. The Saturday after that, I have an APUSH AP exam practice at school (two days before my birthday). The Saturday after that, I have SAT testing. Could this year be any worse? I just hope something good will come next year; 2010.

But what cheered me up, got me to smile, were my readers comment. They never fail to make me smile & they're the reason I continue to write.

Things to do...

So like some of my friends know... I'm different from others. I'm like... OPPOSITE. Whatever I plan out never happen. When I panic and think negatively, that certain thing doesnt happen. When I dont panic and think it'll be okay, something bad happens. But I'm going to take a challenge. I'm going to write down things I want to do by next year:

• Go to Disneyland during winter (Christmas?!)
• Take my first real cue picture.
• Take ulzzang style pictures
• Get a nikon slr camera [on my own]
• Meet/hang (Wg, bb, ss501, yamap)
• Finish & Print MS then start on new fic
• DSi (maybe?)
• My ideal birthday = Coco unni and Angelabby's birthday :\
• Lose lots of weight :x
• (more to be added)

Hmm... when they expect the unexpected, that doesnt work for me. I always expect the unexpected and its not good. So from now, no more. I'll occupy myself with something that will make me forget about everyone/everything. HAHAHA.

So it's Friday, the last day of spring break and I havent had any fun! Really pisses me off. Everyone goes out for birthdays, beach, hang out, or just sit in front of the TV. I can't! I have to stay home and torture myself with homework and it's from the only two AP classes I have! Not cool man, not cool.

:) Btw, I'm starting to like GHS. She's so awesome. Her CF for Tous Les Jours with that one actor is really cute. The cake from Tous Les Jours are the cutest! Whenever I'm in K-town or Diamond Bar and happen to stop by Tous Les Jours, I always stand in front of the case and just stare at them. Wonder if they're good, though. To be honest, even though Phoenix bakery cake look... eh, I actually like how it tastes.

Random question: Who has Tetris DS? If you do, tell me your friend code and I challenge you!
and btw, from now on, I'll post a random picture of either ulzzangs, nature, party, or whatever in each of my blog post :D




PD: JP go ask her to waltz
MH: How do you waltz?
PD: We'll turn the music on.
MH: But I don't know how to waltz...
-----
MH: How should I hold my hand out? Like this?
-----
GHS tries to teach LMH:
HS: Are you dancing to the blues??
MH: I've never waltzed before...
HS: back, side...
------
HS: This way!! You can't do that??
MH: I'm confused...
MH: Let's just do techno

^ HAHHHAHA <33>

Break. Fail.

This is not a break at all.

• Reading chapter 38
• Reading chapter 39
• Do packet for ch. 38
• Do packet for ch. 39
• Exam online Friday for 38
• Exam online Saturday for 39
• Read stories 1-6
• ^ answer questions
• Extra credit for Spanish
• Extra credit for physics

Does that look like a break? To be honest, REGULAR school days are more... "not stressed" as Spring Break. Why would they give us so much work?! They know we're not going to be able to concentrate! Watch, the teachers are out partying, BBQing, camping, eating, or whatever.

I miss postsecrets. What are postsecrets? Anonymous letters people post up online. Go google them up, they're really interesting. I use to do postsecrets (submit them) in another forum and some are really sad and heartbreaking. Others gave a good laugh.

Anyway, glad you guys liked those FAIL videos.

Speaking of "fail," I think FML is kind of lame and fake. I mean, the (bad) FLOP FLM seems real but the (good) TOP FLM seems fake. After reading 15 pages of them, some start to seem very similar....

FAIL VIDEOS.

First of all, I need to post the link to these FAIL videos:
sore loser FAIL
Canadian police chase FAIL
definition FAIL
sandcastle FAIL
audition FAIL
mugshot FAIL
jumping jack FAIL
roadsign FAIL
parking FAIL
Birds & Bees fail
ONE MORE. FINALE!
SLEEPWALK FAIL

I know it's a lot, but it's worth it. Not much to write about today except... R A I N ~ ! ^___^ oh, and I was googling up BoA's universal C.W pictures to see if JY and my poster were going to appear in any and I found a really good one (which is the picture in the beginning of this post). we were the only ones with a bright yellow sign XD

Tired

Not only did I sweat from work out, but also from fear.
HAHAHAH JK, I just had to say that cuz I said it to Waverly.



So in the morning, my brother and I waited for Waverly's mom to pick us up, we went to her house, then walked to the tennis court with Vicky (sp?), Jamie, Audrey, Joseph, and my brother. We played around for a while and then Alan and his cousin Adrian showed up. Later Vanessa showed up and we just played tennis, sat around, bought ice cream/drink from the ice cream truck (I shouldn't have done that). After a while, we walked up to the basket ball court to shoot some hoops. After I found out there was an inside gym, we walked there and just sat and shot more hoops. After Vanessa left, Hongbin came. After a while, I went outside alone to shoot some hoops since it was cooler and there were finally shades. Hongbin came out too and we both were just shooting around. After I spotted Waverly, Audrey, Joseph, my brother on the swings and playground, we both went back inside. I got on the swing and it was super low (I couldnt even swing cuz my leg kept hitting the ground). After a while of the playground, Waverly dragged us up to the view point (will upload a pic eventually).

Hongbin took the car up there while the other ten of us walked. There were two ways up there: a zig zag and a steep hill. Adrian, Alan, Joseph, my brother, and I took the steep one while Vicky, Audrey, Waverly, Jamie, and Joey took the zig zag direction. The hill went around and round and it was like never ending. The guys were in the front and I was falling so behind. As soon as we reached the top we had a view of downtown, dodgerstadium, and the city. It was okay (I might not find it as amazing because my house is on top of a hill and I can see that any time) but maybe at night it will be really great. We sat up there for a while and then went back down. I was actually relieved that isntead of a pebble-ish, slippery trail, we were going down a road. A real road where cars can drive (but of course we walked on the sidewalk). Hongbin drove slowly following us and then drove off and stopped a few minutes from where we were. As soon as we caught up, he drove off (and waited for us around the tennis court area). We walked and walked and had more view.

So... they wanted to take a "short cut" by going down this dirt hill. It looked scary and slipery so I told Waverly I would rather walk the whole way than take the short cut and she was like, "But its ten minutes." And of course I said, "I would rather take ten minutes than taking this way." and of course she made me go. It looked a little like: this but worse XD The kids just ran down like nothing while Joey and I held up the others: Alan, Adrian, and Waverly. We were like "...we cant get down." there were no rocks we could step on, on our way down. Waverly led Joey down and I could see her slip. I just stood up there and refused to go down. Alan then went ahead and when he got to the bottom he was like "You wont die. Maybe bruise..." and I went O_O and Waverly assured me I'm not. So I held onto her so tight and kept slipping down. "Dont slip! Just walk down." --HOW COULD I? And she laughed and was like, "Man we should totally record this." and when I got to the bottom, I was like, "I'm never coming up here again." XD

We met Hongbin at the parking. "Where was your car when I needed it?" I said. We got our stuff out of his car and then walked to Waverly's house. Her Mom made us BBQ, hotdog, and pasta (THANK YOU, BY THE WAY!) and we sat around telling riddles and just talking.

And yeah, my head hurts right now, haha. So tomorrow, homework will resume ;___;

and waverly's idea for riddles in blog. Lets see if you can get these:
(waverly cant answer the first one since I already told you whats right)
DONT YOU GUYS DARE GOOGLE XD (which is what my brother did)

• There's a guy who has just been shot dead in a room. The room has a table, 4 chairs, and 53 Bicycles. How was the guy killed?
• There's a guy at his job. he doesn't want to go home because there's this other guy there waiting for him. what is the first guy's profession?
• There are 2 ducks in front of 2 other ducks.
  There are 2 ducks behind 2 other ducks.
  There are 2 ducks beside 2 other ducks.
  How many ducks are there?
• There is a tall house and a short house. A plane flies over them and a 25 dollor bill falls fom it. Which one will it hit first? The tall house or the short house?

2009 Not My Year

Like I said, I might be some kind of maniac but I've cried at least once or twice a week (or more) ever since the last week of December 08 until now. Every week, literally. I told myself it's no big deal, others been through worse but after what had happened last week... I wont be able to enjoy a great 2009 (rest in paradise<3).

Today I was at a pre-funeral thing where we sat with monks and prayed. I couldnt bring myself to look at the picture frame because I was already trying so hard to fight back the tears. I've never lost anyone so close to me before. We sat there for about two hours or so and the whole time I tried to think of something that would make me hold the tears off until I get home. I couldnt help it. I had to go to the restroom and let it all out before returning. While sitting, memories of her ran through my head and I couldnt stop crying.

Oh damn... I'm crying again...

I think I'll stop blogging and watch Friends to cheer me up a bit.

This birthday I just want to stay home and stay in bed. But since it's a Monday, I'm going to have a lot of homework to do...



2010, please help me out.

The stupid one

First things first. >:[ upset at how America is doing remake of great animes/dramas. Okay, if I start going into that, it'll probably be super long so I'll just get into what I wanted to say...

Being surrounded by friends who try so hard and do very well in classes makes me feel stupid. So when they ask me questions... I get nervous. Yes, even if they're my friends. I try so hard to not make myself look more stupid than I already am. I sit in class with them and while they're discussing the next chapter of APUS or calc and asking me, "Is this right?" all I could tell them is "i dont know" because I really dont. This makes me feel... bad like I can't do anything. And the worse thing is that I'm afraid to ask them to explain how to do certain problems because they're the simplest problems ever. I have never actually learned algebra and with math already my weak subject... it's not good.

They're all sitting in a group, writing, calculating, discussing and I sit there not knowing what to do. Really, I try so hard to catch up to them but its like we're 20 feets apart and it has to be kept that way. Even if I finally catch up with the slowest thing and move up a little, they're still so far.

TT__TT guys, please note that I am very slow and that I'm not the best person to go to ask questions.

exam.

So... senior versus junior cr4p is so lame. Seniors kidnapping/raping junior girls, seniors egging juniors, etc. Really, it's lame. Anyway, my workout buddy... I'm sorry I have not been faithful. I went out and bought a baked lays; I couldn't help it. Starting tomorrow! After I have my spring rolls tonight for dinner.

So my APUS teacher today was so funny:

x knight: he was funny
x knight: he was so happy that he was able to torture us beause he found out he was able to give exams online
x knight: a certain date. Like the exam window opens at a certain time and closes at a certain time and we only have one hour to take a 45 multiple choice
x knight: he was like "oh man, i love technology"
x knight: and the way he was acting reminds me of a little kid
x knight: hahaah
x knight: he wa slike "this is as good as a slice of bread!"
x knight: and he was like "I should do this often! Give you guys exams online so i odnt have to grade it.' and i wa slike "but its your job." and he was like "-_- why do you have to remind me?"


So self reminder:

APRIL 10 - CHAPTER 38 EXAM
test window opens @ April 9 midnight
test window closes @ April 10 midnight

APRIL 11- CHAPTER 39 EXAM
test window opens @ April 10 midnight
test window closes @ April 11 midnight

My internet better not screw up on me because we only have ONE chance to take the exam (in one hour). If my internet freezes or laptop shuts off... then that's it; I can't retake the exam.

So I haven't updated MS for a week and I apologize to the readers (even though none of them have my blog). I didn't give them a heads up that I won't be updating (because I didnt think I wont.) I've been tired and having writers block. Well, that's it.